What Is Persistence?...Week 7

The Third Way, Harissa Chicken & Angelyne

Laura B. recently sent me comment saying that I try hard. I don’t, but let me explain. When I think of persistence (I’ll get to “trying” soon), I think about a story I wrote 20 years ago for the Los Angeles Times magazine about the psychology of storage. It was assigned as an inside feature and ended up as the cover story, which is a really big deal. I remember getting the call from my editor Martin J. Smith and he was very excited. Marty said he’d never had this happen. I was ecstatic, but the thing was I was also massively pregnant — I told him I was a week or so away from giving birth to my first son. All Marty said is “Don’t stop writing. Whatever you do.” He’d had kids, he’d been a freelancer at one point, and he actually knew better than I did how life was about to change. So, in my mind, Marty’s advice was the birth of Nevertheless, She Persisted. Of course, we actually have Mitch McConnell (speaking of Elizabeth Warren) to thank for the phrase. I can’t say I see eye-to-eye with Mitch McConnell often, but I will give him credit for coming up with this.

Look I dug up an old copy!! It’s actually real paper. And, gosh, look at the coverline: Holding on For Dear Life! Read the story, if you like, here. (BTW, years later someone recycled my story idea and wrote it for NYT mag. A friend sent me the clip and said mine was better. That’s what friends are for!:)

There have been times as a writer that I’ve gotten those assignments I love, which are usually quirky stories with a psychological/science/social science bent. (And then there have been long bouts where I’m committed to work and grateful to have it, but also pining for different work.) Here’s what I know: working hard is fine, but trying hard rarely works. Persistence, in fact, isn’t about trying hard. To me, it is about keeping going, adjusting your route as needed and always looking for the joy and learning opportunities.

If you’re interested in this more, Edward Slingerland wrote a book called Trying Not to Try. My friend the writing life coach Marla Beck sent it to me several years ago. The book is based on the art and science of spontaneity. And also the Chinese philosophy of wu-wei (pronounced ooh-way). I’ve learned over the years that I’m best when I operate in the space of spontaneity and intrigue instead of that plodding, grind kind of feeling. When I’m pushing too hard for something it rarely works out well (doesn’t mean I don’t still do it sometimes).

But this says also something particular about me. Remember, my mandate with NSP is to talk about ME ME ME :) Positive psychologists are the folks who study what people believe makes for a good life. Traditionally, there have been two main answers: comfort/contenment/security (they deem this the “happy” life people) and feeling like you make a difference (the “meaningful” life people). But now they are discovering that there’s a third way: the psychologically rich life, which is a life of curiosity, novelty and openness. I think I’m a third way person!

The researchers say the third way — psychological richness —comes when we do things like read challenging books, experience dramatic life events, change our perspectives, study abroad and more. They are just beginning to understand this third way. But what I know from experience is that the path to psychological richness sometimes doesn’t make sense to others. It may not be the easiest or most efficient life, for example. In fact, I recall my insightful college roommate (hi Renee!) saying very early on about me “You never take the easy way.” I don’t. My husband says I always walk the hills. It’s not that I don’t want the direct and flat route; it’s that it’s not natural to me (with age, though, anyone can learn to be a bit more direct and flat!). But now I know why. Psychological richness.

If this is also you — even if it’s not — I have a strange, classic perspective-bending book to recommend. Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by David R. Hawkins. You don’t have to believe all of it, but it’s a trippy mind-opening sort of read. In the woo-woo (versus ohh-way) world, it’s a must-read.

Now, let’s move on…

My Friend Mary

Here is this week’s reader question answered by my sage pal Mary with me weighing in…

Q: I’m thinking about buying one of those face massage wands. It’s $200, though! Do you think it’s worth it?

My Friend Mary: No. And it’s not that I don’t believe facial massage works; I do. The thing is, I have scads of beauty devices that over the years various people have convinced me I need and they are all gathering dust. Take it from me, you’ll use it a few times and then it will go by the wayside. Use your hands to massage your face and save the $200.

VC: To expand on this, years ago Mary met Erika Terhes somewhere in West LA and tried Erika’s facial based on massage techniques. It so happened that Erika’s studio DesiredFace — called a “face workout” long before many people knew about what has now become the popular Face Gym — was right down the street from ME! Mary gave me a bday gift certificate to try Erika’s services and therein ensued an experience that changed my perspective on what’s possible with face massage. I know that face massage and sculpting techniques truly work; they’re not as extreme or fast as Botox and filler, but I think the result is better (natural=better). It took a long time for me to believe this and the exercises are wacky as heck, but it’s true. Before the pandemic I was going to Erika’s classes at least once a week. I sort of fell off once everything went to Zoom. I just reached out to Erika, though, and she’s doing Zoom and in-person classes again. She’s off in Europe this month, but once she’s back I’m hoping to get together with her and do a video interview where she can show us the very basic morning facial massage that I (mostly) still try to do. I want her to do it because she’s the pro (plus she’s really funny). In the meantime, go to YouTube and look for some easy facial massage videos. There are many!

Harissa Chicken Recipe

Not the most photogenic, but it tastes good!

I made this recipe twice this week — once for a back-to-school potluck and last night when my scriptwriting partner Cyn Nooney came for dinner. A word about harissa: apparently it’s a traditional Tunisian spice. My world traveler friend Lon visited Tunisia for her bday recently. I live vicariously through Lon’s adventures! Because, unfortunately, the harissa paste from Trader Joe’s is about as close to Tunisia as I’m going to get right now. This recipe is a combo of cheese, harissa paste, mayo and breadcrumbs (it sounds kind of gross, but it’s really good). My youngest son loves to make a spicy chicken sandwich with this on a toasted brioche bun. I usually serve it with rice or roasted potatoes. Also, the recipe is easy to scale up. So without further ado, here it is:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (thinner is best)

2 oz. Monterey jack cheese, grated

1 1/2 Tbsps red harissa paste

2 Tbsps mayo (I usually use avocado oil mayo, but any will do)

1/4 c Panko breadcrumbs

Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. In a small bowl, combine cheese, harissa paste, mayo and breadcrumbs. Pat chicken dry, season with salt and pepper, arrange on a sheet pan and place in the oven for approx 8 minutes. Remove partially cooked chicken from oven. Evenly top the chicken with the harissa mixture, pressing to adhere. Return to the oven and cook another 12 minutes or until chicken is cooked through and the topping is browned. Enjoy!

Angelyne Luck

By the way, when I was in the parking lot of Smart&Final (had to buy a lot of thin-sliced chicken for that back-to-school potluck!), I happened to spot the one and only Angelyne. Yes, the Hollywood billboard icon and OG famous-for-being-famous grand dame now lives in the burbs. But she still drives her famous pink Corvette. When I taught profile writing to undergraduates, I’d share this amazing profile of Angelyne written by Gary Baum. I just called it up and I noticed it was published on August 2 — my birthday. See, everything leads back to me:)

I snapped a photo of Angelyne’s car. A fellow shopper approached me and said “You know, when you have an Angelyne sighting it means you’re gonna have good luck.” So here is that photo for you because I’m pretty sure my sighting is your sighting and that means we’re all gonna have good luck.

Next week I think I’ll address deaths of despair and my siblings. Stay tuned.