Shadow&Eclipse...Week 36

I’m developing a digital content creation course for undergraduates and it’s taking me more time than I planned AND I still have to get our stuff together for our tax guy on Tuesday! So I’m feeling a bit under the gun here. But, nonetheless…

The Thing Nobody Wants to Talk About

We’ve been discussing the issue of women drinking too much as they get older. Obviously, everybody has their own reasons why they do anything. But I want to bring up something that I’ve realized over the years. It’s definitely a sort of shadow thing, something that nobody really wants to talk about.

And, then again, everybody seems to be talking about it lately (or is that just my imagination?)! What I’m talking about is inappropriate behavior, sexual molestation, abuse, rape and the like. This past year I’ve found myself in conversations with many people about this topic— basically, stuff that happened to them in childhood and sometimes also in adulthood. I know the stats are that one in four girls is a victim of some form of molestation, but if I consider everyone I know I’d say it’s 90%. If you grew up as a Gen Xer you probably had low parental supervision and zero incentive to not bury whatever happened to you. Because of that, I’d say maybe we don’t know the true number.

In my childhood I definitely had instances where I was the victim of inappropriate behavior by someone older than me. I have friends who were also victims of older kids’ sexual aggression and even rape. I have friends who’ve been victims of close relatives — either inappropriate behavior or much worse. And I know several people who were sexually molested by people like theatre or band directors, coaches, neighbors, preachers, priests and others. Several friends have also been raped as young adults and had to endure trials where they put their assailant behind bars.

It’s not just girls and women, though. A few weeks ago, a contractor friend was over. As we were talking about home repairs, he starts telling a story about growing up around the Jehovah Witness church and how his brother and he knew which men in the church they had to avoid. Everyday it seems actors like ER’s Anthony Edwards and other famous people are coming out and talking about their experiences. I recently caught an interview with Dr. Jennifer Wortham, who lectures at Harvard and UCLA. The interesting thing about the interview is that she mainly talks about her two brothers getting molested by their priest (she wrote a book about this) and what a devastating impact that had on their family. But about half way through the interview she off handedly mentions that she was also gang raped by some older boys in her neighborhood when she was 12 and that she still hasn’t told her mother because she thinks it would break her heart. Watch the interview here:

Attempted molestation, molestation, abuse, rape…all of these are adverse childhood events, a growing area of research. A really interesting recent twin study even points to how an adverse childhood event like these can lead to a health consequence like depression.

So when we think about why people develop drinking problems or any addiction, one thing to really look at is this. Sometimes people just run from their shadow until they can’t run anymore. That’s why I think it could play into problems much later than we think in adulthood.

But also just because you’ve had something happen to you doesn’t mean you have to suffer the worst consequences. The people who come through adversity without suffering the worst is also a growing area of research and something I’m always interested in. Next week I’m going to talk about what I think has been helpful and what others have told me has been helpful to them.

Astro Fun

Tomorrow (April 8) is the eclipse everyone is talking about. If you want to have a little astrological fun, check out astrologer Gahl Sasson’s take on the whole thing. I honestly don’t know a lot about astrology, but I listen to Gahl sometimes because he’s a nice guy, friends with a bunch of people I know here in L.A. and always has interesting things to say. May the eclipse treat you well — and wish me luck with the tax prep.