I had an interesting reader comment recently and she graciously said I could turn it into one of our My Friend Mary questions, but Mary happens to be in Vienna and Prague right now. So I’m not going to bother her. Instead I’ll just make some observations. Here goes…
Reader Comment (slightly edited)
I became dependent on drinking wine each evening. I was experiencing anxiety, going through menopause and my kids were growing up. I had a huge fight with my family overseas and then my dad died. I found I was using alcohol to cope. I’ve met a lot of women in their 50s+ who get addicted when the kids leave the house or they retire. Do you think the seed is set earlier — perhaps when alcohol becomes important to the 30-year-old woman who can now afford to go wine tasting or who does book clubs with wine, etc? Is this really any different than the moms who stayed home in the 1970s and managed with Valium? It’s the time of empowerment for women, but we don’t want to get trapped with booze. I’m rambling but I think you’ll get the gist!
My Response
I’ve mentioned often that I grew up with plenty of addiction in my family so it’s something I think about a lot. More accurately, it’s something I fear. Full disclosure: I drink, but not a ton. Though a few years ago I got wasted when some old high school friends came to town. Anytime I consider going beyond one or two drinks, I try to recall that horrible morning after. I also admit, though, that we had a lot of fun and laughed our asses off that night. Anyhow…
To your question: yes, I think people can get addicted to mind altering substances and behaviors at any point in their lives. Scientists are finally starting to do more research on women in their 50s and menopause. We know surprisingly little about this time period from legit research, but I think it’s a highly vulnerable time. I’m tempted to say we are as vulnerable during this time as we are in adolescence, but I don’t know if technically that’s correct. It feels that way. I’m going to recap a horror story that happened about a mile from where I live. Rebecca Grossman, a philanthropist, community magazine editor and the spouse of Dr. Peter Grossman of the esteemed Grossman Burn Center and Foundation, was recently found guilty for killing two children. She was reportedly driving her Mercedes at a high rate of speed in a residential neighborhood while playing chase with her ex-Dodger boyfriend Scott Erikson after having margaritas at a local restaurant, when she hit brothers Mark and Jacob Iskander (ages 11 and 8). I’ve been following LAT’s Richard Winton’s excellent reporting, though I haven’t written anything about it myself. Most of the reporting has been on the accident and trial, though. But what I keep wondering about is everything else. Grossman’s twin boys had left the nest, apparently her marriage was on the rocks and it seems she’d moved out of her swank Hidden Hills home where the actress Lori Loughlin is her next door neighbor and Kris Jenner is in the neighborhood. Grossman was 58 at the time of the accident. (I’m calling it an accident but I realize some would just argue murder is the right term.) Right after the crash, she asked to call her husband and, strangely, he was by her side through the trial. Grossman’s lawyers unsuccessfully tried to pin the blame on Scott Erikson, but nope. Grossman is now behind bars awaiting sentencing. How the hell did this happen? To me, it’s what you’re talking about. Rebecca Grossman is the poster woman for how easy it is to mindlessly destroy your life and other people’s lives at a really vulnerable stage in life that not enough people talk about.
By the way, her blood alcohol level was right under the legal limit but Valium was also found in her blood. So I’m not so sure much has changed from the 1970s. I’d argue that for a lot of women the roots of the problem(s) often start way before the 30-year-old glory years, though. I’ll talk more about that that next week.
And as much as we need to talk about alcohol, we also need to talk about anxiety meds like Valium. Everyone should watch this Lisa Ling special on anxiety meds.
From The Tennessee Woods
I’m at a writing retreat right now with the wonderful people of Sundress Academy for the Arts in Knoxville, Tennessee. I’m staying a couple of nights in the woods. I thought you might want to see!